PublicK NuisancE: Advice for the Politically Confused

Posted by By at 25 January, at 15 : 08 PM Print

Pat Carroll

Dear Mr. Nuisance,

I read in the paper where Bob Durgin, described as “a conservative talk radio host” in Harrisburg, wants to go to New York and blow up the New York Times building because he hates the liberal media. In the picture, he looked like some street person. Is he really on the radio?

And also, I hate the conservative media. Should I be blowing up radio stations?

Confused in Dillsburg

Dear Confused,

It’s a start!

No, haha, just kidding! Seriously though, Durgin is a really warm, wonderful blowhard who just happens to look like a homeless guy. He babbles all week on WHP-AM, known locally as Teabag Central.

But listen, Confused, you just can’t go around blowing up radio stations. Why not? Well, radio stations are owned by the same gynormous corporations who own Wall Street, Big Oil and Fox News. They would crush you like a bug after the second or third right-wing shock-jock explosion.

And really, if you hate conservative media, perhaps you are a person who thinks too much. Maybe your mother or some teacher told you it’s an advantage to think a lot, but that’s just crazy talk. Let it be, dude. Real Americans let the buffoons on talk radio do their thinking.


Dear Mr. Nuisance,

Is it true that former Sen. Arlen Specter is getting a $2 million library as a going-away present from that nice former Gov. Ed Rendell?

It seems very generous. Does Arlen read that much? Wouldn’t a library card be a lot cheaper?

Bea Fuddled in Hummelstown

Dear Ms. Fuddled,

Yes, a library card would be cheaper – but it’s also not worth as much since The Honorable Ed Rendell slashed funding to public libraries.

Honorable Ed also left us with a $4 billion state deficit. That means small towns and big cities across the state will be struggling to fix their roads and pay their cops when the new governor cuts more local funding. So … you can expect much less in the way of library support from your local government.

Will you be able to take a book out of the new Arlen Library? Will your kid get help with homework there? It’s too soon to tell.


Dear Mr. Nuisance,

Remember when Tom Corbett was running for governor and he said, “On Day One, I’m handing Harrisburg my reform plan?”

Now that he is governor, has the clock started?

Waiting in Wormleysburg

Dear Waiting,

A man with a clock knows what time it is. A man with two clocks doesn’t.


Dear Mr. Nuisance,

Senate Republicans say they want to prohibit the state from giving tax dollars to private companies. Does this mean my property taxes will still go to my local school district – instead of some elite charter school?

Hopeful in Harrisburg

Dear Hopeful,

Not at all!

No, no, no, Hopeful. In fact, Republicans have pretty much given up on your local school district because it sucks. Not only is it top-heavy with managers and relatives of the school board members, but the teachers’ union regularly cranks out votes for Democrats and other moderates.

Even as we speak, Sen. Jeffrey Piccola, R-Harrisburg, is pushing his plan to give your tax money to schools that put profit first.

When the politicians say they want to stop giving money to private companies, they mean ending useless programs like the Ben Franklin Technology Partners, which has been wasting tax money on silly little start-up companies for 25 years. Many of these companies grow and thrive and pay taxes and probably support public funding of silly little start-up companies.

(We bet you just can’t get enough of the PublicK NuisancE, so click on Rock The Capital for another dose.)

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Pat Carroll has worked as a writer and editor for newspapers and television for three decades. His checkered career path also included gigs as a personal chef, iron pourer, dishwasher and commercial real estate appraiser. He writes now only to finance his golf addiction. - Email Patt Carroll

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