Draft Punxsutawney Phil for Office

Posted by By at 2 February, at 18 : 46 PM Print

Punxsutawney Phil, the true sage of Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania has proclaimed that spring is within the clutches of our raw knuckles. With his ear to the ground and the ocular clarity of a groundhog, America’s charming four legged prognosticator, did not see his shadow, which means an early end to winter. A feat that has only been repeated 15 times since 1887. Yes, there have been a lot of Phil’s along the way.

If Phil is right, he deserves more than a case of fruit-rollups; he is unquestionably due his weight times ten in political capital. That of course makes Phil eligible to vote, and that leads of course to the next most weighty consideration of the day, to which party would our cuddly, insightful, furry, friend align himself?

I challenged myself to find some of the most brilliant political minds in the world. You know the guys and gals that sit around day after day reading between the lines of papyrus over warm fires all while feasting on the day’s political baggage and carnage.

What better place to start than with a guy that has worked the inside. Former Governor Mark Singel put it to me this way, “He [Phil] is apolitical.” For the good of a woodchuck why? ” Because why would he want to join a party and risk losing half of his constituents,” said Singel.

John Baer, the wonderfully gifted observer of all that is Pennsylvania politics, with the Philadelphia Daily News put it to me this way, “solidly Republican.” Really. How can you be sure? Look at the geography of where Punxsutawney Phil works, “the geography is solidly Republican,” and Baer added, he can only be a Republican,”He’s wrong so often.”

Surely a sitting Representative must have the inside track, so I asked Curt Schroder,(R-Chester), “Today’s actions by Phil definitively prove he is a Democrat. He tells people what he thinks they want to hear, but has no way to deliver and make good on his promise of an early spring!!!”

My colleague at Rock The Capital, Scott Paterno, sized it up in less time than it takes to call an audible, “Punxi Phil would be a Democrat, he only works one day a year,” said Paterno.

Surely someone can stop grandstanding and give it to us straight, perhaps a former insider that is now a way, way outsider, let me call on Tim Potts from Democracy Rising. Eric, “Phil stands with the no-nothing party. He sure as hell wouldn’t want to align himself with the Democrats or Republicans.”

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Eric is a national award winning storyteller. Eric’s work is credited with changing laws, saving lives, and in one instance, saving taxpayers about $2,000,000.00. Mr. Zager’s career in journalism is ripped from the pages of an adventure novel. Upon graduating from the esteemed Newhouse School of Public Communications, he headed north, about as far as one can travel and still stand in the Continental U.S. The call of journalism not a penchant to play with Polar Bears brought Zager to the ‘Last Frontier-Juneau, Alaska. Over the course of Zager’s more than 20 years in journalism, he has covered the political side of the Exxon Valdez Oil Spill, dodged horse manure on the backside of Churchill Downs, and has uncovered numerous scams and scam artists. Eric is constantly in search of a meaningful story to tell. - Email Eric Zager

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