Ten Modern Plagues for Passover

Posted by By at 4 April, at 12 : 47 PM Print

1. Water to Blood

7:19   And the LORD spake unto Moses, Say unto Aaron, Take thy rod, and stretch out thine hand upon the waters of Egypt, upon their streams, upon their rivers, and upon their ponds, and upon all their pools of water, that they may become blood; and that there may be blood throughout all the land of Egypt, both in vessels of wood, and in vessels of stone.

• New plague: Storm water basins filled with fracking water.

 

2. Frogs  

8:3     And the river shall bring forth frogs abundantly, which shall go up and come into thine house, and into thy bedchamber, and upon thy bed, and into the house of thy servants, and upon thy people, and into thine ovens, and into thy kneading troughs:

• New plague: Insecticide resistant cockroaches.

 

3. Gnats or Lice

8:16   And the LORD said unto Moses, Say unto Aaron, Stretch out thy rod, and smite the dust of the land, that it may become  lice throughout all the land of Egypt.

• New plague: Stink bugs.

 

4. Flies

8:21   Else, if thou wilt not let my people go, behold, I will send swarms of flies upon thee, and upon thy servants, and upon thy people, and into thy houses: and the houses of the Egyptians shall be full of swarms of flies, and also the ground whereon they are.

• New plague: Politicians.

 

5. Livestock Diseased

 9:3     Behold, the hand of the LORD is upon thy cattle which is in the field, upon the horses, upon the asses, upon the camels, upon the oxen, and upon the sheep: there shall be a very grievous murrain.

• New plague: Pink slime.

 

6. Boils

9:9     And it shall become small dust in all the land of Egypt, and shall be a boil breaking forth with blains upon man, and upon beast, throughout all the land of Egypt.

New plague: Scabies.

 

7. Thunder and Hail

9:18   Behold, tomorrow about this time I will cause it to rain a very grievous hail, such as hath not been in Egypt since the foundation thereof even until now.

New plague: Climate change.

 

8. Locusts

10:4 Else, if thou refuse to let my people go, behold, to morrow will I bring the locusts into thy coast:

• New plague: Lawyers.

 

9. Darkness

10:22 And Moses stretched forth his hand toward heaven; and there was a thick darkness in all the land of Egypt three days,

• New plague: Cable television.

 

10. Death of the Firstborn

11:5    And all the firstborn in the land of Egypt shall die, from the first born of Pharaoh that sitteth upon his throne, even unto the firstborn of the maidservant that is behind the mill; and all the firstborn of beasts.

New plagueBirth of telemarketers.

 

Photo by eggrole

This post was written by:
- who has written 382 posts for Rock The Capital
Eric J. Epstein is RocktheCapital‘s coordinator and a community advocate for good government for over 25 years. Mr. Epstein is also Chairman of the Three Mile Island Alert, Inc., a safe-energy organization founded in 1977; President of EFMR Monitoring Group, Inc., a non-profit economic development corporation established in 1977, and Chairman of the Stray Winds Area Neighbors (SWAN), a smart growth association organized in 2005. Mr. Epstein was a Visiting Assistant Professor of Humanities at PSU-Harrisburg (1992-1999) and co-authored the Dictionary of the Holocaust, which was released by Greenwood Press (1997) - Email Eric Epstein

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